there’s an app for that?
It’s a poor excuse for disappearing but my laptop is on the fast-track to the magical recycling-induced silicone heaven in the sky, and my new iPad isn’t coming until Wednesday. And while I was feeling sorry for myself and feeling guilty for not posting in approximately one forever, I thought ‘Iiiiiii wonder if people write these things on their phones ever?’
turns out they do!
I’m not sure how this WordPress iPhone App masterpiece will look ‘en web’, but I can fix it later when I’m back in the real world. For tonight, we’re all on the couch eating black bean brownies and catching up on the DVR before the cable also goes to heaven (more on that later).
but kat – where have you been?
I’ve been in a slump! An epic slump. A slump I don’t think I’ve experienced since getting divorced 5 years ago. Hopefully this is just a ‘once every 5 years’ thing though, or I’ll be grey faster than you can say ‘god you have a lot of silver hairs for someone under 30.’ I cannot describe how ‘meh’ I have felt the last few weeks. A few things I might attribute it to –
The weather. This has been a mild winter for the Midwest, I really shouldn’t complain. We shoveled the driveway only twice and both of those times really weren’t necessary. The heating actually works this year! There was one small blip with the thermostat forgetting how to thermostat, but this is the second winter with a reliable heat pump and I can’t tell you how amazing it is to not wake up to a 53′ house. But it has been grey outside. And cold. And I’ve been tanning (naughty!) but for some reason it’s not perking me up like it normally does. I just want some nice 60′ days with a tiny bit of sun and a nice breeze. I just want to see some green and smell some earth and be able to go outside. I want to be able to be feral for a bit and go for a wander and not come back for hours.
Work. Oh how hard this 5-days-a-week thing has been on me. I guess most of the US has yet to embrace the ‘work life balance’ thing but for the first few years of my career, I was spoiled with the opportunity to work 4 10-hour days a week instead of the normal 5 8-hour days. Now, after almost 3 years of 5-day work-weeks, I’ve burned out. It’s caught up to me. I don’t need a vacation, I don’t need a week to get away – I need an extra day in my week to get stuff done. One day every week. That extra day of freedom was my day to be me – my day to relax and work on the house or do some crafts or just be creative. I feel like all I do now is come home, play with the dogs, pick up after the devil kitten, catch up on the news and Instagram and blogs that I like, vacuum up pet hair, then it’s already time to go to bed. Weekends aren’t any better. They’re filled with chores and one-off things that need doing and I don’t have time to breathe before Monday comes around and it’s back to work. I can never get quite caught up, I can’t get a chance to catch my breath and it’s worn me down. I am just existing, treading water, and it breaks my heart. This isn’t ‘living’.
Running. Also tiring. This training for a half marathon deal is ROUGH. Not that I thought it would be easy – of course I knew it would be physically challenging and I love that. I just somehow forgot to factor in how much time it would take. Time that (see ‘work’) I don’t have. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays are currently 4 and 5 mile runs. Those take about an hour (yes I am that slow. I’m right around a 12:30 mile and I’m totally fine with it.) Then there’s the hour of spinning on either Sunday or Monday (to burn an extra 500 calories of fat because I figure the less I weigh, the less I have to drag 13.1 miles). And then there’s the ‘long run’ on Saturday which is, right now, 8 miles and takes a little over 90 minutes. That’s 6 or 7 hours each week – which is a lot of time when I already feel like I can’t keep up with daily tasks. On top of that, my legs constantly hurt and I can’t drink as much as I normally would because I have to be all ‘hydrated’ and ‘not hungover’ for this running business. I miss you, French 75. I will see you in May.
The house. Oh dear god when will the DIY projects end?? Why can’t I finish anything completely before starting the next hair-brained project? The master bedroom walls need finishing, the master bath needs 2 tiny paint touch ups and the door needs painting, I still have trim left to put up in the living room and kitchen, and don’t even get me started on the guest room and guest bath. I have a thousand photos ready and lots of blog post ideas in my head for all of that, don’t worry. I just need time to get it all done.
I guess the good news is that, now that the weather’s a bit nicer, I’m starting to cheer up. Work is a bit slower this week and I’m not quite as exhausted as I usually am – I even found 2 hours this evening to do laundry and clean the kitchen and I’m feeling pretty good. Time to make some lists and try to ‘purge’ all the useless stuff (and maybe outsource some of the cleaning? Maaaybe?) and prioritize ‘me’ a bit over the family or the house or being responsible. I think I’ll try being reckless for a few days and see what trouble we can get into. You were once wild here – don’t let them tame you.